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How Many

Since 2004, I have been a prisoner and for good reason. I was convicted of two counts of Aggravated Involuntary Manslaughter, for the taking of two innocent lives in a drunk driving accident. I was sentenced and remanded to a prison within the United States Department of Corrections. My earliest possible release will be not be for several years.

As on who has carried the burden of his actions, I understand all too well what I have taken. I have hurt so many people by my ignorance that early morning in the summer of early 2002. For what I have taken I am indebted, not just to the families of my victims, but to all of humanity. I cannot fix what I have done. It is beyond any man to change his past, but my future is another story.

It is for that future that I now write. Every so often I come across a news story about a fatal car crash that involved somebody like me. Every time I wonder 'could that have been the one that I prevented?'

There are so many young ignorant kids out there who are either unable or unwilling to acknowledge the fact that their actions have consequences. They are unable or unwilling to see the fact that what they do affects others as well. I believe with all of my heart that my story could help to open their eyes, but in my current state, I am unable to reach them.

There are a few things that judges, lawmakers and the general public need to know about most people who commit this type of 'crime'. This crime is not one which is motivated by malice. Buy the very wording of the charge itself...involuntary etc....one would assume that this concept was a given. Yet despite a persons lack of intention, life is still lost. Our purpose as a society should not be to punish the ignorant, but to insure that this doesn't happen in the future.

You have to understand that nobody is afraid of going to jail for a DUI. How many people are killed by drunk drivers each year, how many are convicted and thrown into prison and how much does the rate of fatal DUI accidents differ as a result of those prison sentences? You cannot train a dog by constantly beating him. Fear has never bee, is not and never will be the answer to this problem.

The answer is awareness. The answer is in the enlightening of ignorant minds by using the life experience of those who have been through an ordeal like my own. Victims and offenders need to come tighter and use their collective stories to open the eyes of a public that believes, much like I once did, that this is something that happens and to other people.

As long as people believe that they are in control of their own lives and that they are above this type of occurrence, they will never fear the law. Why fear a prison sentence for something which could not possibly happen to you? How does anyone learn the consequences if nobody is there to teach them?

I was 21 years old and I was on top of the world. Nothing could touch me. I could make it home. Why not? I'd done it so many times before. I am them! I'm your child! Don't you see? Tougher sentences are not the answer. We have to reach the hears and minds of these people by showing them how much pain one mistake can cause. Prison time has not hurt me in the ways that I thought it would. I can deal with living without for a while, but how many people can live without my story and stories like it. Just like the two victims who perished , how many innocent people will die because someone like myself never got to hear a story that could have changed their lives forever" ?

How Many?


Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

We are judged, by others, in accordance with our acctions in this world. I have taken the lives of two women by drinking and driving. I know how this makes me look but there are things about me that no one knows. I have saved more than one life in my time on this planet as well. I once carried a pregnant woman having a seizure through a rain storm to a waiting ambulance four blocks away. I don't think there was a reason for me doing this other than she needed my help. I did not know this woman or her husband. I once pulled a man from a burning vehicle that he had flipped over in a rainstorm. I didn't think about my own safety. All I knew was that he needed my help. I did not know this man. When I was 17 years old, I saw an old man fall and hit his head. Ihe was bleeding terribly. While everyone else stood there and did nothing, I pulled off my shirt and stopped the bleeding. When the ambulence arrived, I disappeared. i did not know this man. All I knew was that he needed my help. In all three instances, I acted out of compassion. I did not stick around to receive thanks or a pat on the back. Knowing that I had done what I could was enough for me. These are some of the things that very few people know about me. yes, I have made mistakes in my life, one huge one in particular. I deserve to be judged by the whole of my existence in this place and that judgement should not come from your or anyone else. you are not worthy because we have all made mistakes. Trust me on this, I have judge myself more harshly than you or anyone else. In making this judgement, I have considered all the facts and I have decided I am forgiven. This one moment of ignorance does not define who I am. My ife is worth so much more than that and there is more more to live.

Jeheshua

From the blog, Living in a Pefect World Together

Reflections of a search without beginning or end. Revolutions of the mind rolling forth endlessly without course or affirmation. Such is the so-called spiritual search. I fear this journey is only ventured to bring oneself to immortality and with such motives, all is lost. We seek that which eludes our fleeting sight and we fear what we do not understand. As a result, we draw any shred of truth we may realize into the delusion of me and mine. We hope to grasp the whole of existence withing our fragile mortal grip, yet we can not even gain control over our own minds. How weak and ignorant we hvae become. We are lost as individuals and so we are lost as a community. We stumble forward into this new millenium wiht not a single idea of where we are going. In these degenerate times, most of us refuse to claim any responsibility for our own lives, let alone our cities, states, country or governments. We care not for our planet and we care not for each other We care for only ourselves. We are asleep, trapped in a nightmare that is yesterday and tomorrow. With this apparent decline of mankind, one hope remains. One last labored breath bleeds air into our lungs and life into our blood. That hope is "now". Every individual has the potential to change themselves for the better. With this changing (or evolution) of yourself, you can shine new light into the darkness of the world around you. Our only hope is to do it together. Our only hope is "us". it can be done. I have faith.

Jeheshua.

Making A Choice

All of my life, I have been a prisoner. the only difference today is that I am a prisoner of the state. My incarceration has taught me many lessons about life, loss and the inner workings of my own mind. After all, inside these walls you have plenty of time tp get acquainted with your thoughts and feelings. This is apparently so for all of us and I think the problem with most prisoners is that once they open that door they don't like what they find . I know I didn't at first.

When you are in a place like this, you strive to stay busy to avoide your ill-begotten fate. But once you have exhauseted all the means of distraction at your disposal, you inevitably are left alone in silence. This is when you are confronted by the demons of your past. Late, after all the lights have gone out, you find that you can hide from yourself no longer and you are presented two choices. You can either do as you have always done and run from the truth or you can seek an end to your suffering.

I chose the latter of the two. I am tired of running and I am fed up with the suffering of life. I must seek an answer. For too long, I hvae tried to be the person I believe otehr people wanted me to be. It is time to be " the truth"

I have realized that the truth is not conttained in any concept or code of conduct. Truth is natural and it is what's let when all the "bull-sh**" has been washed away. It is one with every sensation that is woven tightly into the fabric of this moment which is endlessly unfolding in a perpetual state of change.This change must be understood to be beyond our control

Life itself is so much more complete when one relinquishes the inclination to impose their weill up ous. In allowing and observing the natural flow of life, its' beauty is effortlessly displayed withing every passing breath and in understanding this fact. Looking at life, its' totality (and all that encompasses it) you need not struggle any longer.. you are already free.

Jeheshua.

Memories from the past haunt our present and color our future-- no matter if you are a GOP or a Dem, in a red or blue state. The ability to vote -- and make your voice heard-- is crucial. ******* It's my first distinct memory of my father: he's standing in our kitchen, making long-distance phone calls to relatives to make sure they'd done something--something he couldn't do for himself. It was Tuesday, November 8, 1960, and I was five years old; my father was 48. And the "something" he couldn't do was to vote for John F. Kennedy. My father wasn't permitted to vote because we lived in Washington, DC. It's understandable that a five-year-old didn't know that Washingtonians weren't able to vote. After all, most of the grownups I know now are surprised to learn that DC residents couldn't vote. (The 23rd amendment to the US Constitution, which would grant Washingtonians the right to vote in presidential elections, would not be passed until March 29, 1961--my sixth birthday. I confess that I don't exactly remember the day, but I'm sure there was cake. Washingtonians still don't have voting members in Congress, which explains their license plate motto, "Taxation without representation!" It's also the reason that, when I'm asked if I'm from "Washington, the state," my response is, "No. Washington, the colony.") After being assured that the extended family had, indeed, cast their votes for Kennedy, my father settled in to watch the election results on our living room TV. And I went to bed. My second distinct memory of my father is discovering him the following morning, snoozing in front of the TV. (Richard Nixon had conceded to JFK at 3 a.m., DC time.) I remember being startled by the fact that he hadn't shaved. My father was a proper sort of gentleman; he wore a shirt and tie to work six days a week. And he shaved every day--twice. While some historians blame Richard Nixon's defeat on the appearance of dark stubble on his face during a televised debate with Kennedy, it was my father's 5 o'clock shadow that I remember best. Every fall, my children are forced to listen to that story and endure a sermon on the incredible privilege of voting. They sigh and roll their eyes, signaling each other with that "here she goes again" look. I don't mind. The only thing that matters is that they treasure--and exercise--their right to vote. ******* VOTE: don't think your vote, your voice won't make a difference! It does. This country was founded on the right to vote for the leadership and on issues. People have gone to war and *died * for the right to vote. This election-- and * any* election-- your voice counts. Living In A Perfect World What's your "perfect world"? LPW

Preppycrat has taken on an issue about which I have been contemplating a commentary post. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, but as someone who lives in the DC area, Preppycrat has more access to all the information that I do here in LA (read Liberal Alternative location) . Check out some of the videos on http://www.politico.com/kotecki/ Here's a quote from the [Preppycrat post. ](http://preppycrat.blogspot.com/2008/10/not-stylish-not-preppy-and-definitely.html) Courtesy of www.politico.com, we have found out that Sarah Palin has spent approximately $150,000 on clothing, hair and makeup for herself and her family since early September. OK, let's parse this. Ms. Josephine six pack has spent three times the annual income of the average middle class family on clothes, makeup, hair since the beginning of September. That's about a four or at best five week period. John Edwards's $400 haircut was less than one tenth the $4716.49 spent on hair and makeup by the Palin clan. And as far as anyone knows, he paid this out of his own pocket (edit - he paid for it with campaign money but later reimbursed the campaign for it). The RNC funded the entire $150,000 for Palin's clothing and accessories. Similar outfits can be had at a variety of places, to wit Ann Taylor Loft, where you can have this outfit for less than $500 including the cute black patent leather tote and the ankle boots. Here at one of Michelle Obama's favorite stores, White House/Black Market is a leather jacket similar to the one pictured on Palin, above. Yes, it's black, not red. But from this store one can be sure the quality is good and the price is certainly reasonable for a good leather jacket. From Banana Republic, a black suit with royal purple blouse, and finally from Victoria's secret, a suit in a pretty cocoa brown, and also from Vicki's Secret what is more of a power play than a vivid red suit? End of Preppycrat's commentary and here is mine. Here's what's wrong with this picture-- 1) Mrs. McCain wears an outfit that's 10 x the cost of what Laura Bush wore to the RNC Now I will say that Mrs. McCain PAID for this $300 thousand dollar ++ outfit from her own wallet-- but given the economy then (and considered in retrospect with the current situation) this was just bad judgement. However it was *her* money. 2) Sarah Palin has let the RNC pick up the tab. Her stylist charged the RNC over $20k for the work she did which was almost 2x the amount that amount paid the McCain's foreign policy advisor. Does anyone see the problem with the rationale here? What's more important: the appearance or the knowledge? Your call here -- not mine. However I don't care HOW a president looks (overly gaunt and tall --think Lincoln; in a wheelchair-- think FDR; wearing glasses because he's really got poor vision and was a wimpy kid-- think Teddy Roosevelt) , I care about what he--or she-- can do and how much they know. I want them to be intelligent and informed. I don't care if they are all that well-dressed. Especially in hard times when people are skittish and might be living in cars.(Recently spotted a couple people living in their car in our upper class are. I know someone who has been handing out Jackson's when people ask for a buck), this is not the image the RNC needs to be putting out on the table. Here's another image that"> Preppycrat wants you to see -- Dr. Jill Biden! According to [Preppycrat;](http://preppycrat.blogspot.com/2008/10/stylish-preppy-and-quite-democratic.html) There is a gem of an article at www.style.com the online home of Vogue magazine that has a wonderful picture of the 4 generations of Biden women and an excellent article on Dr. Biden. The article and photo are also in the magazine itself. Among other things, Dr. Biden runs 5 miles a day, has multiple graduate degrees in addition to her doctorate, and truly likes clothes but also within reason, in the article she talks about much she loves one of the suits she's purchased recently because it not only looks great and fits her well but it's a price an "educator can afford." Ok.. I am not voting on the basis of fashion. If that were the case, I would use Cindy McCain as president and have her balance the budget-- forget John. But this isn't about fashion. It's about being able to run a country and navigate tough times and treacherous waters. What I don't want to see in the White House is someone who's foolish enough to think that *image* is everything and that we (as in "we the people" aren't going to notice. Obviously I am not happy with the Wall Street Melt-down -- and along with the manufactured gas "crisis", the financials bailout- from AIG to all the mortgage- lenders who dropped the ball on being aware that people had to PAY these loans. It's not a situation that's going to be easy for any person to walk into and deal with -- as an executive or the President. However if you want to base it on the values shown by the candidates and also by the images they are presenting (and yes this is about image), is what they are espousing matching up to what they are showing you? Is there alignment there or not? Is it relevant to your life? Is it meaningful? Are they walking the walk as wlel as talking the talk? (How can anyone forget they own 8 houses?) Referencing the **Wall Street Meltdown**, I have created a sandwich in honor of this occasion: Swiss Cheese, Sour Pickles, Ham, Turkey, Saurkraut , Hot Mustard, Red Onion on day old egg bread-- grilled till it's really crispy and brown-- almost black. Thanks to Preppycrat for allowing me to borrow her posts. Living in a Perfect World: How is life in your world? LPW.