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In Absence of Love

Alone is a simple enough word to comprehend, but for some of us it is a fact of life. We linger in a world without the recognition of our opposite sex and we only find solace in our dreams.

In our dreams, we remember the touch of a woman, but it is only an illusion. When we stir from our slumber, awakening to reality, we are again confronted by how utterly incomplete our existence has become.
In the absence if a female touch; a feminine perspective; a soft voice to soothe the spirit; I do not feel as though I have been deprived of contact with another. I feel as though a part of myself has been removed. I feel naked and afraid.

My logic tells me that it will only be for awhile longer and then all will be restored, but my heart longs for love in such a way that this day, this moment, this very second of suffering may very well last an eternity.
The world may come to an end and I will be left floundering in a perpetual state of solitude.

I pray always that the sun may rise and set swiftly before I turn to stone; that I will look up from my lowly state one day soon to find freedom just over a green hill. The question is not will I receive, but do I deserve the love for which I long. Some of you say no, that I am a criminal and I am in receipt of my requisite fate.

You are entitled to you own opinion, but please reconsider on these grounds. Until you have stood here in my shoes and experienced his life of confinement, until you have felt the immense weight of your very soul reach forth from within in an attempt to tear you asunder, do not pass judgment on me.

Until you have dwelt in absence of love, do not ever wish such a fate on another. Love is too important to the healing process. Love is the only bond that can unite the divided and to force its absence upon anyone, for whatever reason, is to be viewed in my eyes as cruel and unusual punishment.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Shifting Tides

I am driven to the edge by feelings of anger and lust which consume me. Filled with shame and guilt, betrayed by a future that may only come to pass as a product of madness. Should such a price be paid that freedom of mind can only be gained by complete and utter denial of that which lies dormant within myself,--that which is innate and vital to the very core of my existence?

Am I to believe that all I have ever felt must be discarded and forgotten?
Where is the honor in that?
What is the truth?
By whose laws do I persist in the world and whose will is it that my unchosen path seems to resist?
If all that is real can only be manifest at the total dissolution of myself then am I insane not to long for some solemn gesture of retreat back into the dream? Should I not loathe my awakening?

Is that not the paradox which faces every man seeking answers in the waning hours of the night? Once awakened to the light, you can never again escape into the twilight like the shadows of the early morning occurring just before the sun is born into the day.

To fight what 'is' no longer presents itself as a choice. The rules that governed your progress have been destroyed. You fate is no longer written in the stars. You are free!
Lifting your head up and moving forward is all that remains. Yesterday is gone and you must realize that the keys to tomorrow can only be acquired before the setting of our most local star. Who is it that has lost his way?
Who is it that is crossing the threshold and now sees his path?

Is denying the self for the benefit of the many really all that different from denying the many for the benefit of the self? At the climax of all things, was there truly ever any difference at all?

Our minds foolishly stricken with duality, our perception is flawed. Consciousness could not perceive itself and so we are divided. So, here we are at last. Why?
There is nothing...
But I still don't understand. Don't worry, we weren't meant to understand.
Just be as you are and follow the shifting tides of you mind.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Between the Lines

Over the years I have learned to express myself through my writing and I like to think of myself as good. However, this ability is not something which can be turned on at will. It is beyond me in a sense. When my pen touches paper, something happens which is not wholly of myself, but which is not all together different. What happens is a thing of beauty, a gift, and a total surprise. It is something that exists in absence of my control, and until now, I have never made an attempt to explain it.

You see, I, myself, understand what is going on in the subtext of this story. After all, who better to arrange a director's cut than the director? However, to make you understand will take some work. So please consider this to be an attempt to that end and have some level of understanding for I am new to this branch of writer's scope (introspection).
Words do not just form out of thin air, despite the use of my tools, pen and paper, I do not claim to have molded them in the same way that a sculptor molds a piece of clay into a statue.

What happens is something closer to that of a duet or a collaboration of sorts. To the majority of the world the only possible truth of story composition (or composition in general) is that I, the author, have created, out of my own mind, an original and totally self oriented piece of writing, but nothing could be further from the truth. True, I did not copy someone else's word in order to pass them off as my own. However, I wouldn't describe my writing as creating. A musician doesn't create music. In reality, the music already exists. All he does is rearrange the notes to exist in harmony with one another. My gift is the same. My pen and paper are instruments, the forum of language is the scale of notes and my finished essays, poems, et cetera are songs. They are songs of the mind.

Which brings us to another question. If I did not create these songs , then whose mind did?

My answer is very simple.........."You did" . Sounds crazy, right? Do you know why that sounds crazy? I sounds because your thought matrix cannot process it in the same context that I am explaining it. In your linear brain construct things are self-sustaining and separate. Time seems to move in a straight line, but in reality things are more complex.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

IT'S FUNNY

Raining in the mind. Who or what gives us the idea that we are capable of controlling that which governs our lives? How do you use the mind to control the mind? It is impossible! One will reach certain madness before any perfection can be attained. In fact, I believe if perfection of wisdom were ever truly reached it would cause a breakdown in the system of existence itself. If anyone were to fully realize their infinite power of divinity it would cause all of existence to cease.

The dream we now live in is a self sustaining one and we are all key players in its ongoing cycle. Not only that, but I believe, without a doubt , that we are its' creator. Our concepts of reality are not only side effects of its occurrence, they are the cause of reality itself. One could not perceive itself within itself as a result, one created division. Once division was created relation between two or more objects rendered very much information, but the one (or "none" as would have it) lost consciousness of itself and was blinded by the dream it had created.

Now here trapped in this cell, this illusion of emptiness, we are all called home. Though most of us don't hear nor understand the true meaning of the screams for attainment that well up from within. We attempt to fill this bottomless pit with material possessions and worldly pleasures. We do not see beyond this veil of negative existence. Some hear the screams and form them into an idol of worship. I am not that type at all. I do not see an answer. I don't even understand the question. All I know is nothing at all. There is not enlightenment in this world because the very nature of dwelling in this world negates such a possibility. You can't light a match under water!

The realization of that fact is all we could ever hope to reach but only a fool would ever hope for more . Only a fool would fail to see the humor in it all.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Manipulation -- part 2

Many people steal, rob, and manipulate to get by. That is just the nature of prison. We are just victims of our environment. To most people who live outside, we deserve everything we get because " let's face it, we are criminals". . I mean we are different aren't we? Then again, maybe we are all the same.

Aren't our prisons just a reflection of our society's biggest flaws ? In reality, a chin is only as strong as its' weakest link . The problem isn't truly crime and criminals. The real problem is the necessities and traits that create crime and criminals. The real problem is poverty. We can't just lock everyone up and hope they are rehabilitating themselves. We have to help them. We have to realize that prisoners are no different than citizens. We all lie, manipulate and steal to a certain degree. If your survival depended on how well you could manipulate another human being, you would become very good at it.

People sell drugs to feed their families. In return, addicts lie, cheat and steal to feed their addiction. These problems no longer belong to criminals alone. They belong to us all as one nation as one world. Our culture is falling apart because we have become so selfish and insecure that we would build our lives on the failures of others. . We take advantage of each other. I am a criminal, but the guy on Wall Street who just embezzled 2 billion dollars is a hero. We hurt each other everyday and our children see us do it. What do you think they will do when given the chance.

As a nation, we can fix this, but we need to stop looking at what everyone else is doing wrong and start looking in the mirror. I have accepted responsibility for my actions and I am doing my best to steer my ever-changing life in a better direction.

What about you?

Jeheshua.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Manipulation

When I was housed at a major institution, I thought that I had seen it all, I thought that I had encountered every dirty, underhanded trick, ever crooked angle and heard every possible lie in existence, but I was wrong, Now, here at a road-camp for low security level prisoners, I must endure more. So very different in appearance, this place is still so very much the same.

Everything about this place differs but only on the surface. When it comes right down to it ,most people that I have met are all right , but there are those who play games. They will try to befriend you--not because they think you are funny or because you have things in common, but because they are in need of your help (so to speak). They are either broke, scared or they believe that they can manipulate you into making their situation better.

There are a few different approaches. Let's start at the top. One way is to lend you something when you first arrive so that when they ask for your assistance later on, you will feel obligated. Another way is the old "poor me" scam. (This is the one that is the hardest to spot if done correctly). They have soup, but if they only had crackers or if they have soup and crackers, but if only they had some cheese. Then they have soup, crackers and cheese but if only they had a soda. The good ones never actually ask for anything. They just subtly imply and because of your pity, you give what you can.

There are many different ways to use another human being but in the end, the result is always the same. The people who do these things are actors (very good ones at that)They are your friends and associates up until the moment that you find out the truth and for many it is too late. After all, this is a prison and there is not much room for mistakes.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Enlightenment

"What is real? What is dreamt? And what, my friends, is the difference? "

When I was growing up, the passing moments of my life seemed so trivial. They seemed to be so unimportant and as a result I never paid much attention to the changes that I imposed upon the world around me-- the world that sustained me. The world that I would one day help destroy.

Now with my world so utterly reased from existence by my own hand, I am force to live in someone else's world. I am force to live someone else's lies. I am force to follow someone else's rules and there is no one to blame for this current state of affairs except myself.

So with all of this established, I guess the only remaining question would be , "what now?" Do I rebel or do I make the best of what I have? I struggle to ask myself that question everyday. I struggle to ask it so that I will never forget what is at stake. Things like my sanity, my freedom, and my true place in this jigsaw puzzle called life.

I have realized that I can no longer live in the wake of my past mistakesThat life that has passed is no longer viable. It is no more tangeable than the dreamscape plot of a Sunday afternoon nap. In opposition, I have recognized I can no longer feed upon daydreams of a future that has yet to be written.

What has happened is gone and what will be will be . the only truth left is now. Here in this moment, I can find freedom, Here in this moment, I can let go of the prejudice that keeps me frozen still in a world of constant change. Here and now life's imperfect beauty is pure. Here is where we realize that perfection lies in our ability to understand that it doesn't exist. Now is when we finally see that our flaws are our greatest source of hope, and to see and realize those two truths is the very basis of a spiritual life. In fact, I would call it enlightenment.

Jeheshua

GODS

anyone who struggles will adapt and grow. That is a natural law. The trick is the correct amount of the pressure in the right area to reap the required results. Growth is a good thing when one grows in the right direction.

All roads will eventually lead to the same destination. However soem travelers will reach that destination much sooner and with less scrapes and bruises . If one reaches a state of harmony with their true will then they will be in harmony with the surrounding universe. And if they abide in such harmony then they will transend any accepted concept of pain and suffering.

If any instance of suffereing is taken as a mere feedback and used for the sole purpose oflearning from that particular moment of life experience then every future moment of apparent pain and suffereing will be transformed into a direct cause of enlightenment.

The key is to let go of the urge to esacpe situations that we perceive as a trheat to our ego selves and to embrace all of life wholeheartedly. We must take hold of the wheel and steer our selvesto freedom. Your demons are just as much a part of you as your God is. If you attempt to deny the influx of the realization into your lifethanyou debase the most basic law of our existence. Without darkenss there can be no light. Without evil, how would we know good and without pain, we could never fully grown into the Gods that we were meant to become.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?

LPW

Do Nothing

In obscuring truth, word after word we as conscious beings, remain bound to sufferring by our concepts. Truth is not contained within the narrow constructs of language itself. Through a voice or pen and paper only a representation of what is actual can be manifested. Preoccupied by the reflectiion of reality, we allow life's beauty to escape unobserved. We become distracted by the pointing finger and fail to see the radiance to which it points. In seeing we are made blind and in knowing our ignorance is secured.

Enlightenment is an ongoing process, not a final goal. There is no attainment to be sought, no levels of completiion and no progress to be graded. There is no end to the journey. There is not even a path to be followed. There is only the realization of essential nature to be uncovered. What is called enlightenment is already present. It is our true nature. It is not "out there somewhere" . It is right here, right now and when realized, it is as a candle being lit, washing away the darkness. Enlightenment is effortless and displayed in this very moment. All that need be done is to do nothing.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Lost Dreams

As the waxing hours of the morning turn into sunlight upon a distant horizon, I am here-- alone-- in my bed area. It is silent and yet around me, they are breathing solftly and as they sleep , they are dreaming. They are dreaming of freedom, a better place to exiast, a place so many long for, a place that not a one of us are that close to. They are dreaming of home.

I once experienced such dreams, . Now when I close my eyes there is nothing. This other world-- created by the mind-- has all but vanished without hope of return. I somtimes wonder if this lack of mental escape is a sign, a prelude to the realization ofmadness that I am inevitably inching towards.

My questions are many and my answers are so very few. I watch, awaiting harmony up the path which I believe I freely willed from the beginning. Yet at every turn on this road , I find only chaos. I cannot say that life is all a mystery for there are many lessons that I have learned along the way. I have had a great number of teachers but none more prevalent than death.

I have taken life and as a result, I will never be the same. I was forever changed by the event of that night and for my actions I am indelibly carry this weight with me always-- but you wouldn't know it. for a man's burden in life is not always displayed upon his face like paint on a canvas.

some of us have refined the spectacle of our personal torment so that what was once thunderous roar is now little more than a whisper which trembles aloft a summer night's breeze. It shames us in silence and leaving us with tears of solitude streaming down our faces.

Our pain is our own and though it appears to be gone to the naked eye it lingers on-- haunting us from teh grave. Such is fate but I accept that fate and would not change a single day as it ocurred if given the chance. If I did, I would lose the wisdom that those events produced and I have a strange feeling that I will need such knowledge for the future that lies ahead.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW