Recently in perfect world Category

Between the Lines

Over the years I have learned to express myself through my writing and I like to think of myself as good. However, this ability is not something which can be turned on at will. It is beyond me in a sense. When my pen touches paper, something happens which is not wholly of myself, but which is not all together different. What happens is a thing of beauty, a gift, and a total surprise. It is something that exists in absence of my control, and until now, I have never made an attempt to explain it.

You see, I, myself, understand what is going on in the subtext of this story. After all, who better to arrange a director's cut than the director? However, to make you understand will take some work. So please consider this to be an attempt to that end and have some level of understanding for I am new to this branch of writer's scope (introspection).
Words do not just form out of thin air, despite the use of my tools, pen and paper, I do not claim to have molded them in the same way that a sculptor molds a piece of clay into a statue.

What happens is something closer to that of a duet or a collaboration of sorts. To the majority of the world the only possible truth of story composition (or composition in general) is that I, the author, have created, out of my own mind, an original and totally self oriented piece of writing, but nothing could be further from the truth. True, I did not copy someone else's word in order to pass them off as my own. However, I wouldn't describe my writing as creating. A musician doesn't create music. In reality, the music already exists. All he does is rearrange the notes to exist in harmony with one another. My gift is the same. My pen and paper are instruments, the forum of language is the scale of notes and my finished essays, poems, et cetera are songs. They are songs of the mind.

Which brings us to another question. If I did not create these songs , then whose mind did?

My answer is very simple.........."You did" . Sounds crazy, right? Do you know why that sounds crazy? I sounds because your thought matrix cannot process it in the same context that I am explaining it. In your linear brain construct things are self-sustaining and separate. Time seems to move in a straight line, but in reality things are more complex.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Manipulation -- part 2

Many people steal, rob, and manipulate to get by. That is just the nature of prison. We are just victims of our environment. To most people who live outside, we deserve everything we get because " let's face it, we are criminals". . I mean we are different aren't we? Then again, maybe we are all the same.

Aren't our prisons just a reflection of our society's biggest flaws ? In reality, a chin is only as strong as its' weakest link . The problem isn't truly crime and criminals. The real problem is the necessities and traits that create crime and criminals. The real problem is poverty. We can't just lock everyone up and hope they are rehabilitating themselves. We have to help them. We have to realize that prisoners are no different than citizens. We all lie, manipulate and steal to a certain degree. If your survival depended on how well you could manipulate another human being, you would become very good at it.

People sell drugs to feed their families. In return, addicts lie, cheat and steal to feed their addiction. These problems no longer belong to criminals alone. They belong to us all as one nation as one world. Our culture is falling apart because we have become so selfish and insecure that we would build our lives on the failures of others. . We take advantage of each other. I am a criminal, but the guy on Wall Street who just embezzled 2 billion dollars is a hero. We hurt each other everyday and our children see us do it. What do you think they will do when given the chance.

As a nation, we can fix this, but we need to stop looking at what everyone else is doing wrong and start looking in the mirror. I have accepted responsibility for my actions and I am doing my best to steer my ever-changing life in a better direction.

What about you?

Jeheshua.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Manipulation

When I was housed at a major institution, I thought that I had seen it all, I thought that I had encountered every dirty, underhanded trick, ever crooked angle and heard every possible lie in existence, but I was wrong, Now, here at a road-camp for low security level prisoners, I must endure more. So very different in appearance, this place is still so very much the same.

Everything about this place differs but only on the surface. When it comes right down to it ,most people that I have met are all right , but there are those who play games. They will try to befriend you--not because they think you are funny or because you have things in common, but because they are in need of your help (so to speak). They are either broke, scared or they believe that they can manipulate you into making their situation better.

There are a few different approaches. Let's start at the top. One way is to lend you something when you first arrive so that when they ask for your assistance later on, you will feel obligated. Another way is the old "poor me" scam. (This is the one that is the hardest to spot if done correctly). They have soup, but if they only had crackers or if they have soup and crackers, but if only they had some cheese. Then they have soup, crackers and cheese but if only they had a soda. The good ones never actually ask for anything. They just subtly imply and because of your pity, you give what you can.

There are many different ways to use another human being but in the end, the result is always the same. The people who do these things are actors (very good ones at that)They are your friends and associates up until the moment that you find out the truth and for many it is too late. After all, this is a prison and there is not much room for mistakes.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Enlightenment

"What is real? What is dreamt? And what, my friends, is the difference? "

When I was growing up, the passing moments of my life seemed so trivial. They seemed to be so unimportant and as a result I never paid much attention to the changes that I imposed upon the world around me-- the world that sustained me. The world that I would one day help destroy.

Now with my world so utterly reased from existence by my own hand, I am force to live in someone else's world. I am force to live someone else's lies. I am force to follow someone else's rules and there is no one to blame for this current state of affairs except myself.

So with all of this established, I guess the only remaining question would be , "what now?" Do I rebel or do I make the best of what I have? I struggle to ask myself that question everyday. I struggle to ask it so that I will never forget what is at stake. Things like my sanity, my freedom, and my true place in this jigsaw puzzle called life.

I have realized that I can no longer live in the wake of my past mistakesThat life that has passed is no longer viable. It is no more tangeable than the dreamscape plot of a Sunday afternoon nap. In opposition, I have recognized I can no longer feed upon daydreams of a future that has yet to be written.

What has happened is gone and what will be will be . the only truth left is now. Here in this moment, I can find freedom, Here in this moment, I can let go of the prejudice that keeps me frozen still in a world of constant change. Here and now life's imperfect beauty is pure. Here is where we realize that perfection lies in our ability to understand that it doesn't exist. Now is when we finally see that our flaws are our greatest source of hope, and to see and realize those two truths is the very basis of a spiritual life. In fact, I would call it enlightenment.

Jeheshua

Singing Sparrow

Inciting cries, disguised by shadows
Perched on high, by night, resides the sparrow
Disgraced with shame, he calls her name.
Setting hearts ablaze with flames of sorrow
Once wanted days of old now come to passing
Unearthed, so lies tomorrow.

Echoes of wind whisper softly
Words of love once thought exhausted,
But the mind resists this daunting gift
For guit and fear must still exist
His once precious desires fall like rain,
And, sadly, years from now he'll feel the same.

What a waste
For loved and lost his heart's displaced
Yet in a flash of light, once concealed
A glimmer of hope his mind reveals
A key within
And from that day on
No longer caged and filled with song,
He sings.

Jeheshua

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Embracing Mortality

A fleeting glimpse of fading beauty holds timelessly withing my field of vision. My heart leaps and flutters upon witnessing perfection-- even if it is only just this moment. Yet-- even with this vigorous reflex of my heart and mind-- I know the truth all too well. Such a thing is not meant to last.

In the beginning, we are all so new, so fresh and full of life, but somewhere along the way, time makes its' claim and takes its' toll and our youth slips away without warning. We turn to look behind and we find that all of a sudden the years which remain ahead are numbered shorter than those that came before today.

Our lives are not the same, not for the fact of time's toll taken on the body, but because we ourselves have changed. Life has shifted its' focus away from its' outside appearances an the ever-changing looking-glass of mind has turned inward. For what reason I don't know-- maybe the mind finds the fleeting beauty of the world less appealing. Or maybe it senses each breath running shorter,each year propelling one toward the grave. Wisdom must bleed trhough if only to right the wrongs that foolish youth has created.

None of us can escape this fate. We are born, we suffer and in the end find death's sweet embrace standing firmly up on the threshold between this world and the next. We have no choice when it comes to change. In a world where almost nothing is for certain it is the one thing that is inevitable.

No, we can't control when, where or even how we die --apart from suicide- but we can choose to cross that bridge with a balanced mind. We can lay down our anger, desire and fear. In doing so we are not just beings of truth and purity, , we are truth and light for so many others that will soon make the same journey. Such is the way of all things. Embrace your mortality. Embrace your life.

Jeheshua.

What's your "perfect world"?
LPW

Memories of days past, days when we were either too ignorant or too blind to see the blessing that would soon slip through our fingers. Days when we follishly squandered any hope for real and lasting happiness that we may have posessed. Days when we cared more for our own selfish concerns than that of the woman we loved. A Day of adolesence when I broke the heart of the only one who ever truly cared for me. O, how I long for the return of such days. Oh how I long to have a change to right those wrongs that I committed so many years ago., but that sadly and so completely is where such intentions will have to end.

Falling short of redemption seems to be what I am destined to amount to. yet my unfinished intent is not because of a lack of desire. It is beacause I am not worthy of your forgiveness and understanding. It is because my sense of remorse is only another mask- a mask that covers selfish concerns concealed deep withing. And no matter how well these concerns are disguised, even from my own eyes, they are still selfish. So as it is, such a dream of restoring your respect and love is far beyond reach. But one is still entitled to their dreams no matter how unreachable they may be. Until such a day of complete grace, I will remain trapped beneath the torpid waves of my aching heart, not breathing but asleep. not dead, but dreaming-- dreaming of days past, dreaming of you.

.

Reflections of a search without beginning or end. Revolutions of the mind rolling forth endlessly without course or affirmation. Such is the so-called spiritual search. I fear this journey is only ventured to bring oneself to immortality and with such motives, all is lost. We seek that which eludes our fleeting sight and we fear what we do not understand. As a result, we draw any shred of truth we may realize into the delusion of me and mine. We hope to grasp the whole of existence withing our fragile mortal grip, yet we can not even gain control over our own minds. How weak and ignorant we hvae become. We are lost as individuals and so we are lost as a community. We stumble forward into this new millenium wiht not a single idea of where we are going. In these degenerate times, most of us refuse to claim any responsibility for our own lives, let alone our cities, states, country or governments. We care not for our planet and we care not for each other We care for only ourselves. We are asleep, trapped in a nightmare that is yesterday and tomorrow. With this apparent decline of mankind, one hope remains. One last labored breath bleeds air into our lungs and life into our blood. That hope is "now". Every individual has the potential to change themselves for the better. With this changing (or evolution) of yourself, you can shine new light into the darkness of the world around you. Our only hope is to do it together. Our only hope is "us". it can be done. I have faith.

Without Fear

Holding steadfast, I am a captive frozen in reliance on the suffering of my life. After all without my sadness, anger and fear who would I be? What would be left to signify my difference to the rest of the sheep. I am not a passenger on this boat. Those days are gone.

I am the ferryman crossing the river Styx only to land upon the shore of perpetual torment and dispair. My futur is filled with the revival of that moment in consecutive order indefinitely. I have come too far to turn back now. I thirst but I cannot drink. I hunger but I dare not eat. The shadows have sustained me forever and a day and I long no more for the return of the light.

My place is here, huddled in teh cold damp darkness of purgatory, relieving those who can no longer bear the cross of fear and hatred alone. I do what I can to help because I have realized that I am no different than any one of them. We are all connected. Including those of you who have labeled us beyond redemption, judged us by the illusions of your own adverse conceptions and cast us into the fires of hell

Don't worry. Your heeaven will be there to accept you despite the afflictions of morality that you keep hidden behind your Bible in your closet and under your bed. I have no contempt for your existence and I was not sent to judge you. Such a thing is beyond any man's qualifications.

Your judgement will come in the end from the shocking realization of your own righteous lack of compassion and forgiveness for your fellow man. It will come from your failure to put others before yourself. It will spring forth from your own selfish heart, crushing your beneath it's weight. I will weep for you i nthat hour, but I will not share your fate. For he who once fell has risen and each time I stumble, crashing back to the earth from whence I came, I will rise again stronger than before.

I push on with renewed dedication to my struggle for redmeption and for all that I have taken. I can only hope for a little more time to do some good in this world. I make the promise to greet the remaining seasons of this life without fear. After what I have endured I know that this is a promise I am fully capable of keeping. Can you say the same?

Jeheshua.

ARE YOU READY?

Scattered pieces or our lives pass before us, among us and all around us. But even against such odds, we never give up hope. There are those that believe we are born to suffer for original sin. I believe we are born for so much more. Each and every one of us is born to find the end of suffering within our lives. We are not born to remain imprisoned. We are born to realize freedom.

This life is a test, not of some divine being, but of ourselves-- a rite of passage created by , ventured through and observed withing our own subtle consciousness to solve the unsolveable problem. To answer the unanswerable questions, to process life itself, mapping out its' ever twist and turn and in the end to finally realize that an answer does not exist. The journey is where the beauty of all wisdom lies, not the destination.

It is the greatest paradox we face in this life and it must be overcome. So simple yet so difficult to realize. Our true nature lies in the wait for us to awaken to its' wonder-- and it lies in total opposition to everything we believe. In reaching forward to grasp the truth, we lose hold of the only thing that really matters-- life itself.

Over the span of our lifetimes from birth to the present, we have learned so many things. We have been conditioned to the point of suffocation. Our minds are trapped within themselves and we must now learn to swim or we will drown.

There is not one of us who can lead another to freedom. I can show you the doorway but you must cross the threshold alone. What lies on the other side is that which you fear the most, the truth of who you are. It is what you have been running from all of your life.

On a daily basis we agaonize over the past and we worry about the future. We are never truly present in our lives. This is where our first transgression occurs. The true beauty of existence lies within this moment and if you blink,it is gone forever. Awareness is the key to totality and embedded within totality the essence of freedom breathes, vibrates and surges through each moment of complete purity.

All things are pure by nature. It is the duality-stricken mind which poisons life through its' attempt to impose its' will upon it. When this wil is defied,the friction of aversion produces anger, greed, and resentment. At the onset of these feelings, we react in concurrence with our habit to do so. And we lose our balance of mind in a flash of blind fury. There is a way to interrupt this cycle, but you must be determinded to accomplish its' practice.

First, you must purify your actions so that you create no new friction in your life. then you must learn the art of concentration. Finally you must gain insight through observing your delusions and weeding them out, bringing stillness to the mind and finding peace. Meditation is not an escape from our problems. It is the means to understanding them.
Once the problem is understood, it can be corrected. To fully function, we must bring our meditation into our daily lives. When our practice is balanced, our minds will gain balance, our lives will be pure. At this time we will be free.

Are you strong enough to take this path of boundless seeing? I can show you the way as it was taught to me, if the way is what you seek, but you must venture it alone. The journey belongs to you. You will find strength in awareness, right understanding , and purity; but you wil must only take refuge in your own experience.

Are you ready?